Turn it around....

This morning , has not started out so great! I am a person of routine and structure that has been thrown off track this morning. This is not out of the ordinary atleast once a week the kids wake up earlier then planned and my morning routine goes out the window. I need to learn to deal with it and not let if affect my attiude. Besides that my husband is mad at me and we are both not treating eachother like we should. I feel defeated today, then when I get like this I let the devil creep in more then he should. I hear his voice of personel doubt,worthlessness, I start to doubt the Lords plan for me and feel discouraged about the thinkgs that have yet to take place in my life. I am to quick to anger, have no patients and yell at my kids way to much. I need my Heavenly Fathers help to day to get over the funk, prayer has never failed me I will look to it again today. However, on a lighter note yesterday was a good day, Amanda and I took the kids to the Manti Pool. They loved it, we loved it, and enjoyed a day in the sun. It was lots of fun a must do again!

Today in my spirtual study I read a conference talk given by Julie Beck entitled An Outpouring of Blessings. The part I will like to share today, remember is when she is talking about how she has been so blessed materially in her life. And in her travels as she sees the poor conditions others are living in she wonders why she can have so much and others can have nothing. Why the Lord allows life to be like that. She says, " Then one day I sat in a temple next to a sister who lives in a humble house. I spent two hours at her side. I looked often into her beautiful eyes and saw the love of the Lord in them. As we finished our work in the temple, I had a powerful realization. In all of the eternal blessings, in all of our most important privileges and opportunities, we were equals. I had been baptized unto repentance, and so had she. I had spirtual gifts, ans so did she. I had the opportunity to repent, and so did she. I had received the Holy Ghost and so had she. I had received temple ordinances, and so had she. If both of us had left this world together at that moment, we would have arrived equal before the Lord in our blessings and opportunities." Isn't that such a beautiful thing about this gospel? That no matter what our station in this life it does not effect our station in the next. The Lord has given us all the same opportunites and loves us all equally.

I AM GRATEFUL FOR... Even on a day like today with a rough start I still have so much to be thankful for. I am thankful for cartoons that got me throught this morning and made it a little easier. I am grateful for a beautiful, warm summer day that we can go outside and get all his energy out. I am thankful for the spirit of the Lord and that it can, if we allow it to soften our hearts and turn a bad morning into a good day.

PICTURE OF THE DAY:

I picked this picture of Kevin and Porter because they are the two people I have wronged the most this morning and its a reminder that I need to turn it around.

Helping Hands.....

Yesterday was a good day! I am again so grateful to my Heavenly Father for allowing me to be a mother to two wonderful children. My prayers where answered again as he gave me patients and kindness towards them. I did have my moments where I lost my temper but the Lord helped me to gain control and handle things properly. As I think about the events that have taken place in the last six months, my mind is wowed. I had no idea what lay ahead for us, but for once in my life I put my faith in my Heavenly Father. I told him I will go where you want me to go to Lord, I will be who you want me to be. And it has paid of divadends. I was so worried about getting a teaching job but the Lord has eased those worries. I know that atleast for this year I am suppose to be at home, teaching my little ones. That is where I am needed and where the Lord wishes for me to be. So I will be there. I have again had my moments where I worry that he will never want me to be in a classroom, teaching. I feel less of a person when I hear other women talking about their careers, I still have that want to be something great outside of the home. However, in silent moments the Lord always reassures me that my day will come. That he gave me those talents and desires for a reasons and one day he will put them to good use, of this I am sure. I thank the Lord daily for those reassuring moments, and for the place my life is in now. Today we are going swimming with our cousin Paislee and Amanda. Porter is really excitied and it will be a good day of that I am sure!

Today I read a conference talked entitled Tender Hearts and Helping Hands. I would like to remember two parts of this talk, the first goes, " The Savior asks us to "succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees." The Second, "We must reach out to all mankind they are all sons and daughters of God our Eternal Father, and He willhold us accountable for what we do concerning them....May we bless humanity with an outreach to all, lifting those who are downtrodden and oppressed, feeding and clothing the hungry and the needy extending love and neighborliness to those about us who may not be part of this church." -May we see the image of Christ in everyone. A great example of this is my dad, he judges no one and serves everyone. He has showed me countless examples of this throughout my life, for that I am thankful.

Today I am Grateful For: this journal so that I can get all my crazy thoughts and feeling out on paper. I am thankful for my desire to reconnect with my Heavenly Father and find my testimony again. I am thankful for the great examples I have been surronded with. They teach me daily how to conduct true service and how to show true Christ like love. I am thankful for extra long cuddles from my little man this morning.

Picture of the Day:

Good day we enjoyed a nice camping trip with the Lloyd side of the family over the weekend. It was nice to get together with some of my brothers and sisters and enjoy their company. They are truly some of my best friends and I love belly laughing and talking with them. I felt like we made a positive step in the right direction as a family. In years past Kevin and I would have not made a effort to make it down to church on Sunday. This time we did, it was hard, we had to hurry, but we felt that it was important in our turning over a new leaf spiritually. I felt rewarded positively by the Lord for my efforts and I will try my hardest to make it a new goal!

This morning I got up long before the kids did to have some quiet time to myself. Its nice to sit her in silence, do my physical and spiritual exercises without interruptions. Mornings are so peaceful, I love them! I read a conference talk this morning given in 2009 by Elder Robert D. Hales entitled To Act for Ourselves: The Gift and Blessings of Agency. I enjoyed it alot and ex specially enjoyed the part where he discussed making a choose to get pack on the path when we have follow en off. -He said, " Choose to accept -truly accept that you are a child of God, that he loves you, and that he has the power to help you. Choose to put everything literally everything on the altar before him. Believing that you are His child, decide that your life belongs to Him and that you will use your agency to do his will. You may do this multiple times in your life, but never, never give up. Choose to put yourself in a position to have experiences with the Spirit of God through prayer, scripture study, at church meetings, in your home, and through wholesome interactions with others. When you feel the influence of the Spirit, you are beginning to be cleansed and strengthened. The light is being turned on, and where that light shines, the darkness of evil cannot remain. Choose to obey and keep your covenants, beginning with your baptismal covenant. Renew these covenants weekly by worthily partaking of the sacrament. Choose to prepare to worthily attend the temple, make and renew sacred covenants, and receive all of the saving ordinances and blessings of the gospel. Choose to believe in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Accept the Saviors forgiveness, and then forgive yourself. Because of his sacrifice for you, he has the power to remember your sins no more." How powerful making these simple yet powerful chooses daily can lead us down a path of happiness unlike any other. Sometimes they are hard to do, to let go, to have complete faith, to hand our life over to him who created us, to except his atonement and forgiveness. To love ourselves has much as he loves us. To choose happiness and eternal life over regret and darkness. I will try from this day forward to choose happiness the Lord's happiness.

I am grateful for...

A friends post about prayer and the powerful tool it is has a mother. It helped me through the day yesterday. I am grateful for a fan today that cools down our house. I am grateful for the peace of the morning and the songs of the birds. I am grateful for agency and that I have a choose on how I want to live my life. I am grateful for the atonement and the sacrifice of our Savior. That he loves me and forgives me and wants me to return to him.

Picture of the Day

Creating a Gospel Centered Home

Today I woke up with a really short temper. My fuse was not long today and with Porter having a rough morning it made it even shorter. I found myself snapping at him all morning long. I stopped took a moment to myself, and said a short prayer that my Heavenly Father would see my short comings and help me by giving me more patients. He has so far and I know I need to make a better effort myself. I have been thinking a lot lately about the example spirtually I am for my children. I have been thinking about how we has parents need to make Christ the center of our lives and our homes. So that our children will grow up doing the same. I want my children to know their Savior, to have a testimony of this gospel, to know right from wrong. Today I read a conference talk entitled Our Raising Generation, to say the least it struck a cord. It talked about how the youth will have increasing harder temptations and struggles. It made me think about my children and how evil the world will be when they are teenagers. I thought it was bad seven years ago when I was in high school, it is worse now and it will be even worse then. I need to be a better example, I need to teach my children now so they will know what to do then. I need to have a gospel centered home where they know their parents love one another, they know they are loved, and they feel of the spirit. I think tonight I will sit down with my hubby and talk about the actions we need to take to create that in our lives and in our homes. I will get back to you tomorrow with those new goals for our family.

I am grateful for:

This morning I am grateful for prayer. That I can kneel down and talk to my Heavenly Father and he will give me the strength I need to make it through the day. I am grateful I had parents who taught me I could do that. How took me to church and taught me to love the savior and to pray to him often. I am thankful for the words of our church leaders and for the Ensign that makes their words available to me. I am thankful for my children, for my husband and for the role of motherhood. Though it ways on me heavyly I am thankful for the respondiablity I have to teach my children this gospel.

PICTURE OF THE DAY:

A mintue to breath....

I skipped a few days but made sure I got back on the bandwagon, try, try, try again. Some days it is hard to find a minute to myself and minute to breath, as the blog is entitled. But, I love being a mother, I love that they keep me on my toes, I love that they keep me moving and busy! I love that its 3:00 and I am just now getting to sit down and eat my lunch, it's OK, it's the season of life I am in. One day this season will come to an end and I will miss it of that I am sure. I just got back from a really great weekend get away with my old friends from high school. It was so refreshing to get a way from it all and reconnect with all of those girls. They meant a lot to me them and they me alot to me now. We spent the weekend doing nothing, just laughing are butts off and hanging out around the pool. God was and always has been good to me in the friend department. He has always surrounded me with caring, giving, strong friends, for that I am deeply grateful. It was nice to see them all grown-up, all mothers and wives they are great examples to me.

On another subject the other day I read an article out of the Ensign about strengthening our marriages. I forget all to often to water that garden, to put it first. I need to try harder to be better at putting Kevin's wants and needs above the kids, above my own. He is a great man and a hard worker. He loves me, he reminds me daily how beautiful he thinks I am. He always so affection towards me, kisses and hugs. I can not say the same for myself. I get caught up in the daily tasks of life, focuses on the things I need to accomplish. I get frustrated with him and forget to FORGET about the small things. One day they will be the things I miss about him. The things I wished I would have not made a big deal about. He his my example I need to be more like him. For a long time I couldn't forgive, I held on to things I shouldn't of. I was not in the least bit being Christ-Like. I have since seen the error of my ways and tried to let go, not to say I don't have my days. Days where I remember in detail the pain, days I don't trust, days that aren't so good. But, I try to say a prayer on those DAYS that the Lord will forgive me, forgive him, that I can try harder to be more like my Savior and forgive. Because, I love that man he is as his father said, " The Ying to my Yang." I need to show him that this day and every day.

I AM GRATEFUL FOR....

I fabulous husband who loves me and shows me, I am grateful for my mom who helps me all the time, I am grateful for good friends and a relaxing weekend, I am grateful for laugther it does miracles for a person, I am grateful for my home, I am grateful for forgiveness and that my Savior forgives me and loves me everyday.

PICTURE OF THE DAY.....

A day at the park.........June 7

Today as been a much better day then yesterday! It was like after a day of spirtual high Satan couldn't help but tempt me. I was kind of in a slump yesterday, feeling bad for myself, feeling anxiety, and frustration with myself and my children. I couldn't get moving yesterday it was just one of those days. Around four yesterday after a day of feelling totally unmotivated I decided to chalk the day up for what it was and move on, start again fresh tomorrow, hit the reset button. And so that is what I have tried to do today, be kinder, have more patients, try harder. I can't say that I have completly 100 percent meant that goal but I am making an honest effort. Porter tries my patients and sometimes I snap. I prayed today for patients , to be able to respond to him kinder and not have my voiced feeled with anger. The Lord has helped me I need to work and pray for that everyday. Today as I watched him play at the park and I read a plaque that said, " Dedicated to the children who play her and to those who never got the chance." I was reminded how fragile our lives are. And how the most important people can be taken from us in an instance. We need to show our love for them as much as we can. We need to appriceate their presence. I will try to remember that when my patients has run dry not only with my two year old but with all the great people in my life. Thank you Heavenly Father for reminding me
I AM GRATEFUL FOR....
a beatuiful baby girl who is so laid back and easy going. She hardly ever cries and is just happy to go along with anything I throw at her. I am grateful for a spunky two year old who takes forever to walk home because he has to pick up every rock he see's. I am grateful for primary songs that make him take a nap. I am grateful that I get to spend one on one time for the next three days with Porter at swim class. I am grateful for the park and sunshine so Porter can get all of his energy out. I am grateful for a husband who made it possiable for me to stay home so I don't miss the moments anymore
PICTURES OF THE DAY.....

A great Day......

Yesterday was a really spirital day for our family. Our sweet little Eva Grace was given a name and a blessing by her father, and so many family memebers were here to share the day with us. She looked like an angel in her pretty white dress. Kevin gave a beatuiful blessing and the dinner was great. At the end of the day after the last car full of family pulled away, I sat on the porch holding my little girl. Kevin and Porter were watering the garden together. I thought to myself I have so much to be grateful for, my cup ruineth over. My life and mind our in a really good place right now. I feel like I have been given a new start, a new chance to get back on the right track. After a quiet reminder from my sweet husband that he had never heard me randomly get up and bare my testimony I did it. It had been a very long time since I had gotten up and public bore my testimony. Maybe its because for a while there it had gotten buried under anger and feelings of failure. It got burried under not fully understanding my Heavenly Fathers plan for me, or not fully agreeing with it. No matter the reason it got lost but I am finding it again. I feel like that was a big step for me, it felt good!
I AM GRATEFUL FOR......

Today I grateful that I had a mintue to write in this journal, I am grateful for a sweet goodbye from my husband. I am grateful that I woke up to such a sweet little face next to mine. I am grateful for sunshine and school lunch. I am grateful my mom lives just up the road and that I get to see my family so often. I am grateful for a wonderful Sunday and that we had so many people who love and support us. And most importantly I am grateful for a kind and loving Heavenly Father who forgives us and loves us despite our short comings.

PICTURE OF THE DAY.....

Well day two and I am still on the bandwagon, hey thats a big achievement for me! This morning was kind of nice the family slept in and I decided to get up around 6:30 so I could have a hour or if I am lucky two for alone time. I know its a desperate attempt but if I can't find it during the rest of the day, I guess morning will have to due. It works though because after years of getting up in the wee morning hours I have become a morning person. Yesterday, I started off so good, trying to have a postive attuide, speaking calmly and kindly to my love ones, exspecially my little Porter. But, as the day progressed and I got increasingly sleepy and Porter got increasingly louder- my patients wore very thin. My kind words quickly turned to angry words and my patients was thrown out the window. I need to try hard at keeping my words and tone nice. When I get frustrated with my crazy two year old I take it out on my husband. Its so wrong of me to do but I do and I know I am doing it and I don't stop. Today I will start new again and try harder to reach this goal. I prayer for it every morning that I will be blessed with patients, I feel the Lords help and sometimes, well a lot of times I feel his dissapointment. So today I will try my hardest to make him proud of me and me of myself. I will try to be caring and kind. I will try to have a calm, respectful tone. I will try to see the good in those around me and not be so quick to anger or judge. I will try to make those around me feel like the are the most important and that what they are saying matters to me, I will try to listen, to really listen. I will try and then tomorrow I will try again.
I AM GRATEFUL......
Today I gratiful for sleeping children, for a quiet peaceful morning. I am grateful that, that quiet will soon come to an end and that I will be surronded by the love and laughter of two small children. I am grateful that my husband has a good job to go to and a reliable car to take him there. I am grateful for good friends that will give me some adult conversation while our kids play together. I am grateful for cheap rent and good weather and a stroller so I can get fresh air and go on a walk. I am grateful and I will try my hardest to keep that attuide all day.

THOUGHTS ON TODAY'S CONFERENCE TALK: Respect and Reverence

" While we may not see an immediate, miraculous transformation as surely as the Lord lives, a quiet on will take lae. The spiritual power in the lives of each memeber and in the Church will increase. The Lord will pour out his Spirit upon us more abundantly. We will be less troubled, less confused. We will find revealed answers to personel and family promblems."

To recieve the Lord's direction we need to be reverent and respectful to the spirit, we need to quiet our voice and listen for his.

peace out - until we meet again