All throughout my life I thought that I was a forgiving person. That I was one to easily let go, to not hold grudges, and to forgive. I have learned different through a certain experience in my life. I was hurt, I was hurt badly, by something the world would probably view as the norm. The person who hurt me was the person I trusted most in this world. He has probably payed for that mistake more times then he ever thought he would have to. I have made this commentment a million times throughout the last four years. But, today I am letting go, choicing to truly forgive, just as one perfect man did for me many yeas ago. I read a couple of conference talks today to try to get some insight on the sacred principle of forgiveness. I would like to share what I learned:
" Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strenghts we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept others and ourselves."
For going on four years now I have built up such a wall, I have held on to that wrongdoing for so long, that it is now effecting my marriage more then the deed itself. I need to let go now it is on me.
"...Delaying forgiveess causes us to forfiet peace and happiness--rehashing it does the opposite for ones soul." So very true it makes the person refusing to forgive more unhappy then the deed itself.
"... The reason for some of our suffering is known only to the Lord. But because it happens, it must be endured. God knowns what we do not know, he sees what we do not see." I know now that this trial apperared in my life to see if I could truly forgive and follow the principles which had been taught to me my whole life. I failed and not only to I fail but I did so miseerably. Today I prayed and prayed sincerly to my Heavenly Father to help me feel the feelings of forgiveness. To help me find that inner peace and happiness that comes along with doing so. I hope he heard me and i hope I listen to his response.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
What He makes, He can fix.....
I took a break from my journal last week as I went up on the mountain for a week with my in-laws. I guess I didn't even think twice about going up with them, without Kevin for a week. Until it was brought to my attention my numerous sources that most would not do this. I am ver fourtunte that I have a great relationship with Kevin's family. I do not feel one ounce of discomfort or awkardness with them. I feel like they are as much my family as those who raised me or as was raised with. They have made me feel like a part of their family not the outsider. For this I thank my Heavenly Father, I see so many who hate their spouses family. Who have nothing but negative to say about them. This is not my stitutation and I am so glad for myself and my kids. We had a great time up on the mountain hanging out, playing games, and getting stuck at 10:00 at night and hanging off a cliff. Great times, Great times!!!!
Today I read a conference talk entitled I will Remember Your Sins No More. It told the story of Alma and his son Corianton. How in short Corianton lost his way, lost sight of the path and his father Alma is tellling him by words and example how to find it again. It talked about the atonement and how our loving Heavenly Father created a plan of repentance and forgiveness. It said, " For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh, wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him." ( D&C 18:11) It goes on to say, " Christ is the Creator, the Healer. What He made, He can fix. The gospel of Christ is the gospel of repentance and forgiveness." How lucky our we, do we even realize how lucky we our to have this knowledge in our daily lives. To know that our Savior is not out to get us, he is just that our Savior and he has created a plan for his to be forgiven of our sins and return to live in his presence again! Christ did not just Create us and then forget about us. No, he came to this earth, suffered the sins of the world, he is our Healer. And has created a way for us to fix the sins that hold us captive. He goes on to say, " Each of us has a loving Father in Heaven. Through the Father's redeeming plan, those who may stumble and fall, " are not cast off forever." I know that daily I stumble and I fall and I know that he is there to caught me to keep me going. I love this gospel, I love that I have the knowledge of his plan for me.
I AM GRATEFUL FOR:
I am grateful I made it throught the day yesterday without having a nervous break down. I am grateful that the thought entered my head during a rough day to get down on my knees and my day would go better. Here's to a better atti
Today I read a conference talk entitled I will Remember Your Sins No More. It told the story of Alma and his son Corianton. How in short Corianton lost his way, lost sight of the path and his father Alma is tellling him by words and example how to find it again. It talked about the atonement and how our loving Heavenly Father created a plan of repentance and forgiveness. It said, " For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh, wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him." ( D&C 18:11) It goes on to say, " Christ is the Creator, the Healer. What He made, He can fix. The gospel of Christ is the gospel of repentance and forgiveness." How lucky our we, do we even realize how lucky we our to have this knowledge in our daily lives. To know that our Savior is not out to get us, he is just that our Savior and he has created a plan for his to be forgiven of our sins and return to live in his presence again! Christ did not just Create us and then forget about us. No, he came to this earth, suffered the sins of the world, he is our Healer. And has created a way for us to fix the sins that hold us captive. He goes on to say, " Each of us has a loving Father in Heaven. Through the Father's redeeming plan, those who may stumble and fall, " are not cast off forever." I know that daily I stumble and I fall and I know that he is there to caught me to keep me going. I love this gospel, I love that I have the knowledge of his plan for me.
I AM GRATEFUL FOR:
I am grateful I made it throught the day yesterday without having a nervous break down. I am grateful that the thought entered my head during a rough day to get down on my knees and my day would go better. Here's to a better atti
Friday, July 1, 2011
As a Child...
Today I read the best conference talk it made me stretch and think and understand. It made me realize how incredible lucky I am to have the truth and that I need to take advantage of it and its powers! The talk was entitled As a Child and it was given by Elder Henry B. Eyring in 2009 General Conference. Its focus was teaching us how to make it through the most perilous times by becoming like a child. It worked around the last sermon given by King Benjamin. The first part I want to remember is when he was talking about how we can strengthen ourselves and others we love against the storms of temptation:
" And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God that ye must build our foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which yea are built, which is a ure foundation....whereon if men build they cannot fall." The imagery in this scripture is amazing. It shows you how much force Satan and his followers will come after you with. And that if you have built your foundation upon Christ you will have the power to with stand their powerful storms. He goes on to talk about how we can build that foundation and why we want to build that foundation. He says, " I can see myself standing in that day of judgment before the glorified and resurrected SAvior. I want with all my heart not to shrink, but rather to look up at Him and see Him smiile and say
" Well done they good and faithful servant. Enter in." Why for some reasons I have never thought in detail about what that day would be like. How powerful and loving the Savior will be when he stands before us. I have never even thought what it would feel or be like to stand infront of him, just the two of us. I to want to be able to stand straight before him, look him in the eye, and now that I deserve to be in his presence. However, at this point in my life I don't know if I could do that with a surety or if I would shrink in his prescences, the later seems more plasuable. He goes on to talk about how King Benjamin made it clear how we can earn that right to stand before him and not shrink. The answer is simply stated, " We must, become as a child--a little child..... To be like a child is not to be childish, it si to be like the Savior, who prayed to his father for strenght to be able to do His will and then did it." He goes on to say, " We are safe on the rock which is the Savior when we have yielded in faith in Him, have responded to the Holy spirit's direction to keep the commandments long enough and faithfully enough that the power of the Atonement has changed our capacity to love and obey we are on the sure foundation." Elder Eyring goes on to share an experience where he truly became like a child and become submissive to his fathers will through the power of prayer. He says he did not recieve and answer to his most crucial question until the completely forgot about what he wanted and asked that the Lord lead him to his will. He said that in that moment the answer became clear and he truly felt the still small voice of the Holy Ghost leading him down the path the Savior wanted him to take. He said, " Only when my heart had been still and quiet, in submission like a little child, has the Spirit been clearly audible to my heart and mind." This part stretched my thinking the most, have I ever truly done this? Have I ever truly forgotten about what I want or need and asked the Savior for his will to be done? Have I ever truly allowed him to take me down the path he wants my life to go? I think I have had my moments but somehow what I want always overrides. My husband is a wonderful example of this when he didn't get the job with West Valley, he was ok with it. He said he knew the Lord had a plan for him and would take him and our family where we were suppose to go. He truly believed this with all his heart. He did not get down about it like I would have, he did not get upset and turn on his faith, like I have. He believed that the Lord knew what he was doind and his faith therfore increased. I am trully trying to have enough faith for this to occur in my life. To let go of the ruins and turn myself over to the Lord. Its hard for me, mabey I am a control freak, maybe I just to have enough faith --whatever the reason I need to try harder, to believe harder, I know my life will be better and I will be happier in the long run. He goes on to say, " What we ned is faith in Him and to love Him. We must knnow that he lives and who He is. When we do, we will love him." He uses the scripture to illustrate his point, " For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart? " Do I know my Savior and if I don't how can I really serve him? " We come to love those we serve. If we choose to begin to serve the Master out of even a glimmer of faith, we will begin to know Him. We will come to know His purposes for the people we serve for Him." Maybe I need to really get to know my master and serve him with all my heart, mind, and strenght.
I am Grateful for... I am grateful for this conference talk that it showed me all I need to learn. That it stretched my understanding, mind, and heart. I am thankful for the patients of Porter this morning and that he allowed my studies to go on longer then they usaully do.
" And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God that ye must build our foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which yea are built, which is a ure foundation....whereon if men build they cannot fall." The imagery in this scripture is amazing. It shows you how much force Satan and his followers will come after you with. And that if you have built your foundation upon Christ you will have the power to with stand their powerful storms. He goes on to talk about how we can build that foundation and why we want to build that foundation. He says, " I can see myself standing in that day of judgment before the glorified and resurrected SAvior. I want with all my heart not to shrink, but rather to look up at Him and see Him smiile and say
" Well done they good and faithful servant. Enter in." Why for some reasons I have never thought in detail about what that day would be like. How powerful and loving the Savior will be when he stands before us. I have never even thought what it would feel or be like to stand infront of him, just the two of us. I to want to be able to stand straight before him, look him in the eye, and now that I deserve to be in his presence. However, at this point in my life I don't know if I could do that with a surety or if I would shrink in his prescences, the later seems more plasuable. He goes on to talk about how King Benjamin made it clear how we can earn that right to stand before him and not shrink. The answer is simply stated, " We must, become as a child--a little child..... To be like a child is not to be childish, it si to be like the Savior, who prayed to his father for strenght to be able to do His will and then did it." He goes on to say, " We are safe on the rock which is the Savior when we have yielded in faith in Him, have responded to the Holy spirit's direction to keep the commandments long enough and faithfully enough that the power of the Atonement has changed our capacity to love and obey we are on the sure foundation." Elder Eyring goes on to share an experience where he truly became like a child and become submissive to his fathers will through the power of prayer. He says he did not recieve and answer to his most crucial question until the completely forgot about what he wanted and asked that the Lord lead him to his will. He said that in that moment the answer became clear and he truly felt the still small voice of the Holy Ghost leading him down the path the Savior wanted him to take. He said, " Only when my heart had been still and quiet, in submission like a little child, has the Spirit been clearly audible to my heart and mind." This part stretched my thinking the most, have I ever truly done this? Have I ever truly forgotten about what I want or need and asked the Savior for his will to be done? Have I ever truly allowed him to take me down the path he wants my life to go? I think I have had my moments but somehow what I want always overrides. My husband is a wonderful example of this when he didn't get the job with West Valley, he was ok with it. He said he knew the Lord had a plan for him and would take him and our family where we were suppose to go. He truly believed this with all his heart. He did not get down about it like I would have, he did not get upset and turn on his faith, like I have. He believed that the Lord knew what he was doind and his faith therfore increased. I am trully trying to have enough faith for this to occur in my life. To let go of the ruins and turn myself over to the Lord. Its hard for me, mabey I am a control freak, maybe I just to have enough faith --whatever the reason I need to try harder, to believe harder, I know my life will be better and I will be happier in the long run. He goes on to say, " What we ned is faith in Him and to love Him. We must knnow that he lives and who He is. When we do, we will love him." He uses the scripture to illustrate his point, " For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart? " Do I know my Savior and if I don't how can I really serve him? " We come to love those we serve. If we choose to begin to serve the Master out of even a glimmer of faith, we will begin to know Him. We will come to know His purposes for the people we serve for Him." Maybe I need to really get to know my master and serve him with all my heart, mind, and strenght.
I am Grateful for... I am grateful for this conference talk that it showed me all I need to learn. That it stretched my understanding, mind, and heart. I am thankful for the patients of Porter this morning and that he allowed my studies to go on longer then they usaully do.
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